Fucking Friday

I am on the edge today.

Not enough sleep and the 6yr old waking up at 5am to tell me how I didn't read her a fucking story did not a good morning make.

There is of course a whole bunch more shit but just thinking about it is stressing me out.

I think I'd literally explode trying to type it all out.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

Happy Fucking Friday.

I'm pretty hungry right now.

I wish I had some leftovers.

Or some chips.

Oh well.

A piece of toast.

A glass of water.

OoooohOoooooohOoooooooh!

Some butter and jam.

That'll work.

The much Anticipated, often Imitated, hopefully Duplicated

Genie of the...wait, that's something else...

Beef with Sour Cream

(Or Beef Stroganoff but really, I have no idea if what I make is anywhere near authentic enough to go by that vaunted name.)

What you will need:

1 almost 6 year old-otherwise known as the color commentator

1 almost 18 year old-purely decorative though handy with a gag when the color commentary starts getting on your nerves(JUST KIDDING-though she is handy with getting the electronic babysitter going at a moments notice)

Okay, you really don't need them but it seems I don't cook without my "posse".

A biggish flattish hunk of beef, like ummm sirloin or a skinny chuck or top round-about 1 1/2 lbs.

Put this in the freezer for about 30 minutes and start gathering the rest of the ingredients.

(If you have a fridge like mine you can cut out this step by keeping the meat drawer at 33 degrees-I don't know how it happened but I am thankful-and your meat will always be icy and last longer in it's nearly frozen state)

1 cup all purpose flour

1 tbsp salt

lots of fresh ground black pepper(I LOVE PEPPER so I use at least a tbsp)

1 tsp onion powder

1 tsp garlic powder

a little bit of rubbed sage

Mix all this stuff up in medium bowl and set aside

1 tbsp oil-I used olive oil this time

1 1/2 lbs sliced mushrooms which you got on clearance for $1.50(Love!)

Put these in a big skillet on medium heat, sprinkle with salt and pepper and try to keep the color commentator from stirring them cause they need to just sit there and cook for like ever without moving.

Get your big hunk of beef and a cutting board and a SHARP knife and get ready to start slicing. You want to cut this as close to paper thin and across the grain as possible-remember we are working with one tough ass slab o'beef here and the partially frozen bit will help out with that.

Once you have your beef sliced in pretty red ribbons dump it in the seasoned flour mixture and make sure each piece is coated.

You may now stir the mushrooms.

In a BIG skillet-or GIANT wok as the case may be-get some oil-again I used olive this time-almost smoking hot and add your flour dredged beef a little at a time and brown it. DON'T WORRY ABOUT COOKING IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH AT THIS POINT! When it gets kinda browned remove it to a plate , add some more oil to the skillet if you need it and more beef, repeat until all the beef is browned. I think I did it in 3 batches.

Put a big pot of water on to boil.

Now your beef is browned, sitting to the side and your skillet is hot and crusty from all the oil and flour and you are ready to get started on the gravy bit.

Pour 1 14oz can of chicken broth into the pan to deglaze it, (here would be a good place to also add some wine if you are leaning in that direction, maybe 1/2 to 1 cup of whatever dry red you like) scraping the brown bits up as you go.

Dump the meat and juices that have collected back into the BIG skillet-or GIANT wok as the case may be-and give it a good stir, bring the whole lot to a simmer and keep it there for 10 minutes or so to finish cooking the beef and hopefully let it get tender(it's called braising).

Dump a bag of extra wide noodles in the boiling water which you just salted.

Anywho, the gravy will get thick and if it gets too thick like say, playdoh or something, just add more chicken broth or if you don't feel like opening another can, some water or milk-remember you do want the gravy to be rather thick at this point though.

Next dump in the mushrooms and the liquid that's cooked out of them into the BIG skillet-or GIANT wok as the case may be-and stir. Taste it and see if it needs any more seasoning(read salt there)(you never know)

It's a big brownish mess isn't it?

We'll fix that!

Turn the heat off and stir in 3/4 -1 cup of sour cream according to your taste.

Drain the noodles and depending on how you were raised either serve the noodles on the side or stir them into the

Beef and Sour Cream.

PS DO NOT TRY TO TAKE A SHORTCUT AND USE A PACK OF ONION SOUP MIX WITH THE FLOUR.

I tested it and let me tell you GROSSNESS WILL RESULT AND I TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY.

Conversations

We're enjoying the crisp Fall day.

Walking through the Farmers' Market, perusing the fruits and vegetables, smelling the fresh air and roasting peanuts.

I look down at my girl in her pretty yellow dress and lace shawl, smiling, swinging our clasped hands a little.

Her other hand is busy, finger jammed knuckle deep in gold digger territory.

"Sweetie don't do that."

"Why?"

"We are in public and you just don't do that in public places."

Long pause for thought.

"Okay"

Inspection of aforementioned finger.

"I'll just put this here (wiping finger at the side seam of her dress) in case I need a booger later."

I decide to buy eggs, bread, country ham and some muscadines in case I need them later.

The week before Big Daddy D and I are at our regular grocery to get milk and eggs.

My preferred egg "Appalachian Naturals" (a bit more free range than some and local'ish)(and not too expensive at around $3) are not on the shelf and I make enquiries.

"Have you stopped carrying the Appalachian Naturals eggs?"

"Well now I don't know, maybe. Some of them high dollar eggs we had to just throw away cause no one buys them so after awhile we just don't carry them anymore"

I'm looking at a carton priced over $5 as he says this.

"Uh huh" I think.

Big Daddy D pipes in.

"They're all eggs, what's the big deal? Just grab some."

Obviously someone is ready to leave the store.

I reply that "The eggs on the shelf are really not as good, that the color and flavor will not be as wonderfully delicious as what we normally get."

I look up just in time to catch the commiserating glance between the two men present and -with an appropriate eye roll - grab my second choice after duly checking the eggs for cracks and the carton for the expiration date.

Turns out the Farmers' Market is also a good place to buy a better egg.

What do you think?

Guess which is the grocery store egg and which came from the Farmers' Market.

What do you do when...

you want to play "Ants in the Pants", open the box and find one blue ant?

No pants mind you, just the ant.

We played 4 hands of UNO and I was soundly tromped by the 5yr old each time.

Seriously.

Oh, and here's a picture of what I've been busy doing the past week. I am quite proud of my own damn self.

Maybe now I can get some work done.

Or make more preserves...

Hi!

I'm kinda busy at the moment so that's if for today.

Bye!

Dreamscapes

Cigarettes and snow.

Matches flaring.

Long hair drifts across my face.

Stairs.

Machete

I think I'm gonna like the movie.

We need to have a bathroom upstairs.

I made pear preserves just like my MawMaw made.

Guess which one I'm going to tell you all about today?

MAWMAW'S PEAR PRESERVES of course!

Up until yesterday no one had been able to duplicate her recipe and though I probably still haven't gotten it just right, it's the closest any of us have come in the 15 years since my Mom's mother's mother died.

So, you might be asking, why not just find a pear recipe and make it-preserves can't be that hard can they?

We've all tried and-trust me-nothing has been even close. The mystique has only grown with time and our memories have waxed nostalgic with remembered flavors and textures.

Now, my brain is the kind that likes to puzzle things out waaaay in the background while I'm doing other stuff and then surprises me with EUREKA! at the strangest times. Add in my love of cooking and you can figure the rest of the story.

3 0'clock in the morning, about 4 years after seriously talking about these preserves with my Mom, Aunts, Uncles and Cousins at a family gathering, I woke up and just knew what MawMaw's secret was and what to do to recreate her pear preserves.

What was her secret?

Don't worry, I'll share.

QUINCE!!!!!!!!!

MawMaw didn't make pear preserves, she made quince preserves.

Quince and pears look alike but believe you me they aren't the same.

How do you find quince?

Good luck at the grocery.

What you really need to do is find someone who has an old pear tree in their backyard and knock on their door and ask them if you could have a few pears.

They will tell you that those pears aren't ever any good, they never get soft or sweet and they aren't sure why they haven't just cut the pesky no good tree down yet.

You my friend have just struck gold.

Way back in olden days many people planted a quince tree so that they could put up preserves and chutneys with the fruit which is extremely hardy and relatively pest free-unlike a sweet soft pear. Now this tree planting took place sooooo long ago and so few people these days know anything anymore about the days before jams, jellies and sweets were found at the grocery-the days when many people put up their own food, stocking up the Winter pantry with Summer's bounty-that the current owners of home and tree are clueless about the delights to be found in their own backyard.

Which brings us back to the neighbor...

Ask them if you can pick a bag or so, or even just get all the windfall up off the ground for them (since you're planning on canning them a little bruising doesn't hurt) so...

Chances are good that they will agree and somehow think they are getting the better part of the deal.

Win Win!

Hopefully you now have about 3 pounds of hard bitter fruit.

What to do, what to do?

Let the quince sit on the counter for a day or two-it won't hurt a thing. Eventually you'll decide you need that counter space for something and be ready to get to work.

Get a sharp little knife and start peeling and slicing those hard buggers. Let me share the proper technique. Peel the skin with small firm movements of the wrist towards yourself, bracing the quince with your opposite hand and cutting hand thumb. When the peel is gone continue the peeling motion around the fruit cutting thin slices off as you go and discarding any bruised flesh. The slices you cut should be no more than a quarter inch thick, thinner if you can manage it. Don't worry about coring the fruit as you'll know when you can't get any more good stuff off, most quince have a significantly hard grainy center-believe me. Do the slicing as you peel, over a bowl to catch the surprising amount of juice that is released. Don't worry about the quince turning brown, it's supposed to! Okay okay, the preserves are supposed to end up dark if you want it to be like MawMaw's-you do want it to be like hers don't you? Keep peeling and slicing until you end up with about 2 1/2-2 3/4 pounds of prepared fruit.

Here comes the hard part...

Dump the fruit into a big dutch oven type pot and dump over the top about 2 cups of sugar and oh, maybe a half cup of water, stir and bring to a low simmer.

DO NOT BOIL THE FRUIT!!!!

Keep simmering the fruit over lowish heat until it is transparent and a dark pinkish golden brown. The "juice" should be almost honey like in consistency and there won't be a ton of it (this step takes forever but don't give into the temptation to turn up the heat). Give it a taste and if it's too sweet for you add in a teaspoon or more of lemon juice, on second thought the little bit of acidity is nice so why don't you go ahead and add the lemon juice anyway.

In the meantime you have by now realized that you don't have enough jars so you have made a quick run to the store for more, cajoled someone-in this case Big Daddy D-to unload the dishwasher, and then loaded the dishwasher up with the new jars, lids, and bands and run the dishwasher on its STERILIZE setting* and are just waiting for everything to be ready.

Which could take a few hours I'll be honest. Those quince are something else but worth it.

Really truly!

Okay, the fruit is finally done, transparent and glossy like stained glass and your jars are sterile.

Time to fill 'em up!

Place your jars on a clean dish towel next to the stove/pot but leave the lids and bands in the hot steamy dishwasher.

Spoon the hot quince into the hot jars, leaving about 1/4-1/2 inch clearance at the top and when the fruit is gone pour any juice left over the fruit-use your best judgement about which jar needs what. Place the hot lids on the still hot jars, put the bands on and just hand tighten them-don't go all crazy with that, you might break something-namely the jar and that would suck because you have worked so damn hard to get to this point and there is NO SALVAGING when broken glass is involved.

Where were we?

Right.

If you know you'll be eating these preserves up within a couple of months* then just turn the jars over on your dishtowel and listen for the eventual *POP* as the seal is made, let the jars cool down completely(this could take a day so be prepared) then turn them back over and check that the proper seal has been made and store them in a cool dark cupboard. If the seal hasn't been made you have a couple of choices. The first is to just put the jars that didn't seal into the fridge and eat them all up in a couple of weeks. The second option is to put the jars(with the lid and band still on)(I figure you probably already knew that but it almost never hurts to say stuff like that again) into a deep pot and cover with at least an inch of water and then bring it all to a boil and continue to process the preserves for about 15-20 minutes. Carefully lift the hot jars from the water and set aside to cool down. You should hear the *POP* this time for sure.

If you don't hear the *POP* this time then your preserves are letting you know that it is time to make some biscuits and get the butter out.

Which is of course the best way to enjoy MAWMAW'S PEAR PRESERVES! Some sausage links would be tasty too.

Makes about 40 ounces of preserves. I ended up with 10 4oz jars this time and I'll try for that much again next time.

After reading this convoluted "recipe/technique" you are probably no longer wondering why MawMaw's preserves have been a mystery for the past 70 years. I am a sucker for this stuff though and have to spread the love that comes from recreating old memories and making new ones.

*If your dishwasher doesn't have a sterilize setting or you don't have a dishwasher at all, just boil the heck out of your jars, lids and bands.

*Oh, do the hot water processing anyway if you are making enough preserves to last for months and months and months-I probably should have mentioned that earlier...

Banana Muffins Redux

I know I already posted this recipe but I made these yesterday and the story changed.

Banana Nut Muffins

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

In a 4 cup measuring cup/bowl(what do you call those things?)(mine are Pyrex which I love)

Mash enough bananas to make 1 1/2 cups(kids and potato mashers go well together for this step)

2 large eggs(again with the Kid action)

2/3 cup sugar(Kid loves mixing so let her work and give her plenty of room)

1/2 cup vegetable oil(exchange potato masher for a whisk and get ready to wipe down the counters)(the Kid is ecstatic that she has been trusted with a mighty whisk)(she'll keep this up until you tell her to stop)

In a medium large bowl combine:

2 cups all purpose flour

1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon kosher salt(1/4 tsp if using regular table salt)

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon fresh grated nutmeg

1 cup coarsely chopped walnuts(totally optional but I find banana bread without walnuts to be just plain weird)(the Big Girl has changed her mind about nuts)(No I have no idea why).

Stir the wet into the dry until just combined(Kid takes off at this point when you won't let her eat the batter).

Set aside the bowl while you hunt through the cabinets for your muffin tins. Which are all the way at the back. Under other pans. Clang about-it releases frustrations quite admirably. Yes, you should have everything together before you start but some days one must fly by the seat of ones pants and just dive in-these could have easily turned into pancakes by stirring in some milk so, hey, no big deal.

The batter should be well rested by now so anoint those darn tins with your favorite non-stick cooking spray and get on with the filling!

Use a tablespoon to not quite fill the mini muffin tins.

Use an ice cream scoop to 2/3 fill the larger muffin tins.

It should work out perfect if, like me, you prefer orderly muffins. If you like giant ones or want them to rise up and spill over and get a crusty little edge I simply don't know how many muffins you can make.

Put your tins in the oven and bake the minis for about 12 minutes.

Leave the bigger ones in for another 5-8 minutes(total time for large muffins 17-20 minutes).

If you make a loaf let it bake for about an hour.

FORGET THE LOAF!!!!!!!!!!!!

Muffins are faster and you can eat them right out of the oven smeared with butter!

When they are cooled-and if you have any left-just bag those suckers up and put them in the freezer. 15-30 seconds in the microwave and you have breakfast or a snack rarin' to go!

Subliminal

At first glance I thought this was an ad for Gucci panties and thought WTF?

I think they designed this to look like panties and subliminally entice you to buy the sexy purse.

Or maybe the designer drew it up and liked it without even realizing the reason it was so eye-catching was because the bag looks like sexy burlesque panties.

Oh well.

I'd never buy the purse but some uber hot granny panties wouldn't be amiss in my lingerie drawer.

Now for the real news.

I am sad.

I am angry.

It's everything.

It's nothing.

I'm going to make some more bread.

Baking seemed to help yesterday.

Okay I'll tell you...

Believe it or not it is watermelon.

I cracked one open and found that one of the lobes looked almost exactly like a tongue.

Minion #1 took some pictures.

Minion #2 ate the "tongue" with delight.

I didn't eat anymore watermelon at all.

Guess

Sometimes I want to just throw everything away and start over from scratch.

Days where nothing satisfies and never will.

Moments are lost as you wonder "Who? What? Why? Where? When?"

I think that's what reincarnation must be for.

If I were a vegetable

I think I'd be a zucchini.

There are 760 students at The Kids elementary. We are the ONLY ones to walk to school*. It's less than 10 minutes. There are kids on our street who are "car riders". Those parents are running their car engines and ac longer than that. There are kids on our street who are bus riders. The bus ride to school is about 40 minutes, to home about 7. We were at our house when the bus let out at the top of the hill.

All of this works together to make the walk the best choice-though it is pretty friggin difficult still for me to get up that steep hill we live on-really for me it is the only choice, though she may ride the bus some days.

When I was a girl there were times we lived in town and walked to school. We rode the bus when we lived out in the country. The only time I was a "car rider" was when I went to high school 30 miles from where we lived.

Anyway, what is up with all this "car rider" stuff? I have to ferry them all around enough as it is, let 'em walk(with me of course-I need the exercise) or ride the bus.

*this could go on and on about lack of sidewalks, lazy people, ruining the environment, what's wrong with the world today, setting a good example for our kids, I used to walk 20 miles in the snow uphill both ways...you get the picture. I'll save all that for when I'm less hot and sweaty-or maybe never.

Do zombies sleep?
Do they dream?

I sleep.
I dream of zombies.

I wake up.
I don't sleep.

I lay still.
Foggy and fearful.

I remember the Perseid meteor shower.
Cocoon myself in a banket.

I lay on the back steps.
Fear forgotten.

I watch entranced.
Stars streak by in a rain of fire.

I hope for more.

Just one more blaze across the predawn sky.

I sleep.

Drift back to more pleasant dreams.

Dog farts are almost stinkier than husband farts.

Never let your hair dry most of the way wrapped in a towel.

When everything is done it's hard to do anything else.

Boogers. Everyone has them, the lucky ones have dogs who eat them.

Kipper is awesome.

The Kid has more clothes than I do.

I have the most shoes.

Dr Demento.

Sometimes, when you cut the tip off the ear of corn, the caterpillar falls out in two pieces.

Sometimes you find alot of pieces.

I found two moths fucking in my spoonful of milk and cereal.

Then the cereal-box and all-went into the trash.

Cats generally don't do well on walkies.

Laughter is an incredible aphrodisiac.

Venture Bros has come in quite handy.

I like lots and lots of pillows on the bed.

The weather here is actually pretty great.

Walking just a quarter mile with purpose is better than no walk at all.

Coffee is the bomb.

She oughta be in pictures

Seriously, how cute can one kid be?

I for some reason have very little motivation today.

There is a relatively short list of things I must do, an even shorter list of things I kinda want to do and yet I have no desire to do any of it.

I'm not sad or anything.

Not tired.

Just bored in the truest sense of the word.

Oooops.

Gotta get up and go pee.

Now that is one thing that can't be put off.

Not until I'm 90 and wearing a diaper anyway.

I gots me some of dem der shape up shoes t'other day.

I been warin em now fer 2 days.

I thenk theys broken cuz dangit my big ol butt is still heer.

Life without kids...

means it's way too easy to drink a wee bit too much wine

means it's way too hard to cook for just the two of us

means I can watch movies whenever I want: G, R, or X(not that I'm really that tempted)

means at least for a day or three no vanilla for me

means quiet

means I can laugh as loud as I want

means no kiddy messes

means sooooo much less laundry

means sooooo many less dishes

means home projects, painting

means long put off mini trips

means I anticipate sex on the couch way more than I thought I would

means no kid TV

means ME time

Life without kids means...

it means

it means

it means

....sorrow?

WTF!?!???!?!?!

Baby

My baby is in France.

She is having a great time and that is wonderful.

I confess to being just the hugely bit jealous though.

3's

Here I sit.

Wondering.

Who is going to complete this particular trifecta of death?

Who?

I stand here pouring coffee by the light of the Moon.

Her light drifting down through the silver clouds.

Streaming over my hands, gilding them.

I look up, entranced by her beauty.

Lost in waking dreams too ethereal for the Sun.

One weird thing

I often forget to dry my right armpit, an oversight I inevitably discover while applying deodorant.

Little Bunny Fou Fou

Teaching a 5 yr old to tie her shoes is a major pain in the ass when your patience has flown out the window.

I may just rethink my general opposition to velcro.

Hmmm...

Nah.

Back to the bunny ears.

Did I tell you I found my camera?

Why ask why?

I found my camera.

It was in a plastic bowl.

On my dresser.

Under a scarf.

I'm sure I put it there.

Why?

That's an unanswerable question.

Why haven't I been blogging?

I haven't really felt like it.

Since I can move now and mostly pain free at that, my need to travel in the internets has lessened greatly.

Seriously.

I haven't been checking email, blogs, facebook or randomly searching/losing myself online for weeks.

Forgive me if you feel like it.

I doubt that I'll be the frequent blogger that I was.

Not for awhile at least.

I'm too busy living.

FINALLY!

Yeah it's Thursday

I feel much less pain.

I am mobile and upright and moving pretty comfortably for the first time in weeks.

Unfortunately I am also awake.

Swollen like a tick on a vein.

Peeing like a racehorse.

Moody.

Hyper.

Tired.

Sweaty.

I'll be off these meds in a few days.

We'll see how it goes from there.

Oh, I decided I like my slightly smaller nose ring over the sparkly stud.

I'd show you but...

Still no camera.

;)

Monday Monday...

Yesterday I clipped the dogs toenails.

Today I clipped the cats toenails.

I think I might do mine too and, heck, since I think I can bend over a little I might even try for a mini pedicure.

Darn it, it's raining and I'll end up wearing my rain boots and no one will get to see my lovely tootsies.

Then again tomorrow looks like it might be a flip flop kind of day, or maybe even a day for some real sexy sandal action.

What to do, what to do?

Dilemmas.

If this is the biggest drama of my day I'm set.

PS Still no camera. I wonder what ate it?

Let's try something different.

So we're going to try a little prednisone and see if it will reduce the swelling a little.

I'm game.

As long as I don't bulk up like a hippopotamus or go bonkers it's worth a try.

MRI to see how things are going.

Huge possibility of surgery.

Last night was the pity party.

I was the only one invited.

Today though is good.

Mostly.

Oops.

The water's running.

Gotta go.

Happy Fuckin' Friday!

Aziz! Light!

I need a light behind or beside my chair so I can work.

I could move a spare but it is a spare because it has no shade.

I do not want to buy a shade.

I want to sit and knit thank you very much.

While I watch Red vs Blue.

The MEGA BUNDLE with every single episode and extras.

Which Big Daddy D ordered.

It has been shipped.

It has not arrived.

Until then...

Aziz! Light!

Fucking Friday rears it's ugly head again

So since it's Fucking Friday I of course decided it was high time(after whining to Mommy and Sissy for four, yes that's 4, hours) to see another Dr about my back.

And of course since it's Fucking Friday and after 4:30pm the office is closed until Monday am. I am free to call 911 or go the the emergency room if I so desire, otherwise just call back during regular office hours.

It is so a Fucking Friday.

I can even say this (you know-cause it IS Fucking Friday and all)

"FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK"!

rANDOM tUESDAY

Mistakes happen, accept it and move on.

Wash your hands before you leave the thrift store-especially if you can't remember to put BIODEGRADABLE wipes in the car.

Sometimes cats are really loud and demanding.

Sometimes dogs are too.

I dream of knitting and crocheting.

I dream of feeding hedgehogs with tiny bottles.

It is quite cold and rainy today.

Pain is exhausting.

I love mint mojito gum and buy a pack every time I see it for sale.

I'm hungry.

Finding a chair that doesn't want to kill me is going to be a job.

I'm hungry.

Wait I already said that.

I love lying in bed when I've just woken up because for those few minutes I can pretend that everything is fine and the world and my back are at peace.

Since it's raining I need to change out of these flip flops.

tHE eND

Bread

Are you ready for the easiest and tastiest bread ever?

In a gallon pitcher(I thought for a while I'd be making tea but you know, I never do so I've had the pitcher hanging out, just waiting for it's true calling) thoroughly combine in order given:

3 cups warm water

6 1/2 cups of all purpose flour (I use King Arthur Flour-unbleached all-purpose to be exact)

1 1/2 tbsp yeast

2 tsp kosher salt

I use a wooden spatula to get into the corners of my pitcher.

When it is all stirred together pop the lid on the pitcher and stick it in the fridge at least overnight but up to a week.

When you are ready to bake some awesome bread pull your pitcher of dough out of the fridge. Get out a flexible cutting board, lightly flour it and by default your hands, reach into the pitcher and tear off/pull out a big wad of dough-about half of what you've got-and put it on the cutting board. Sprinkle a bit more flour on top and fold the dough over on itself a couple of times and shape it into a ball.

Cover it with a dish towel and let it rise for an hour or two-it should look about half again as big as it was.

While your dough is rising preheat your oven to 425 degrees and put a cast iron skillet in there to get hot too. If you don't have a cast iron skillet, well honestly what are you thinking? I know they can be heavy and believe me I feel it when I pick one up but sometimes nothing else will do.

Anyway, your oven is hot, your skillet is hot and your dough is risen.

Carry your board with the dough on it over to the hot skillet and just kinda roll/plop it in there and center it of course.

Sprinkle/pour an ounce of water over the top of the dough and pop it in the oven for about 45 minutes.

You know it's done when the bread is nice and brown and crusty and sounds hollow when you tap the bottom.

Let cool a bit-10 minutes or so if you can-cut off a hunk, slather it with butter and go to town eating that thing.

Repeat until the pitcher is empty.

When your last loaf is shaped and rising, !!! WITHOUT WASHING THE PITCHER!!!, just dump the ingredients in, give 'em a stir and start again.

So easy anyone can do it. There is no kneading, no proofing, no clean up, and no real guessing-just delicious awesome tasty homemade bread!

* not so great cell phone pictures since I have once again misplaced my camera

*I shlepped this recipe from here. Okay it was pretty easy to cut and paste the link but finding and testing an easy recipe like this JUST FOR YOU- that was the laborious part. Kinda. Cause the bread is so damn easy really. Alright alright...there was no shlepping involved.

MAKE THE BREAD!

Cause I couldn't think of anywhere else to put it.

Stabilized whipped cream icing recipe

Recipe ingredients:

2 teaspoons Knox Gelatine
4 teaspoons cold water
1 cup heavy whipping cream
1/4 cup confectioners sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Mix Knox Gelatine and cold water and set aside.
Whip the cream and add confectioners sugar.
Add gelatine mixture and vanilla extract.
This does not alter the taste of the whipped cream in any way.
It may be used in place of Cool Whip in desserts.

Just look at Blue. He is a pretty big boy now. Actually, he's HUGE!

Tiff how old do you think he is anyway? 8 months old? I'm drawing a bit of a blank here.

Here's an old picture of Reepacheep for comparison.

Anyways Blue is bigger than Reepacheep and boy howdy, are those two trying to figure out who goes where.

Oh the drama.

The hissing.

The growling.

It's a little funny but I'd rather not have that mess.

We've tried the negotiation route.

Sadly they don't really speak English and I don't really speak cat so negotiations hit a wall early on.

We have experimented with drugs while they are together in the house to try and help them learn to get along. We gave catnip to them both yesterday in the hopes that their getting high together might calm the hostilities a bit. As it turns out that is not exactly what happened. It seems those two are total nipheads and after his first sample of the good stuff Reepacheep not only did not want to go outside, when I got him out he spent most of the day trying to get back in and back to the goods. Blue mstly lolled about and I swear I saw him the exact moment he realized he had the munchies. When they weren't busy licking up/rolling in/drooling on their catnip they were scoping each other out, trying to think of ways to remove the other cat from the vicinity in order to take his shit. Blue has been observed perched protectively in front of his little baggie of herbal goodness, watching Reepacheep with the evil death ray eyes that only a pissed off stoned kitty can achieve, ears back and paw at the ready. Reepacheep was falling more into the "can't we all just get along?" category, rolling over and showing the world his soft fluffy belly, eyes closed in kitty ecstasy.

Until Blue pounced of course.

Silly kitties.

Time to break out the peacekeeper mission plan.

In their drugged out fog they totally forgot I have the squirt bottle and won't let them send fur flying.

I just got the floors mopped after all.

I'm not right

In the head, I mean.

Because I sometimes think I can do things that, really, I know I can't.

I'm not talking higher math here, just simple things like moving furniture or using the vacuum cleaner.

And then I do them.

So I am really not curious as to how I manage to occasionally incapacitate myself for an entire day.

I do, however, wonder why I insist upon doing other things when I finally get up and running that I know will make me hurt some more.

As for the rest...

Forget about it.

I have knitting to do

.

THIRSTY

I could really go for some juice right about now.

The ham was salty, the bread was dry.

Orange would be good.

No, no vodka thanks.

It's not even noon!

So...Juice?

Thanks.

A point to ponder

Kid's dreams are just as vivid and baffling as adult's dreams, maybe more so.

I get the feeling that she hasn't decided that dreams aren't real yet.

For that matter, when did I decide that my dreams aren't real?

Sometimes I don't feel like it.

Sometimes I do.

This is it today.

I found it!

"What did she find?" you may be asking yourselves.

The Lost City of Atlantis?

The Fountain of Youth?

The Spear of Destiny?

The Meaning of Life?

The Golden Ticket?

The Holy Grail?

The Remote?

Nope.

MY CAMERA!

I may have really lost it this time...

My camera that is.

My phone will just have to do.

So this is me:

And this is my devil car:

I don't know about you, but I thought that was fucking hilarious. Can't you tell by the smile on my face?

sooo...what color to get pinched? I don't remember! Will be going out to Irish Pub(first time ever) for the big day and my inquiring mind wants to know...though I will be with the hubs and am happily married and all...maybe I don't want to know. Maybe I've had the proverbial one too many already? Shit, I'm just having fun!

I think it's random Tuesday.

A turtle getting him some 'gator tail in the Everglades...

I hate when people refer to a woman's external sexual organ as her vagina. It's a vulva people, made up of her mons veneris, clitoral hood/clitoris, labia majora and labia minora. Vagina's are internal. You can't see more than the vaginal opening without a speculum(some medical problems aside). I don't think the paparazzi go around with gynecological equipment when they are taking pictures of celebrity crotches. Trying to be all smart and daring comes off better when the correct terminology is used.

So don't go telling anyone that you've had your vagina bedazzled(vajazzeled), it was just your mons veneris first denuded and then decorated with sparkles. I think your partner might complain about some genuine swarovski crystals glued into your vagina. Ouch.

In other news I pulled a real doozy on myself and ran the battery dead in my car. Apparently sitting in your car with the cd/radio blaring, headlights and fog lights on, charging your phone and the heater running for 40 minutes is a bad idea. Who knew?

The Kid recently told me that she's not ready to get old. I told her to join the club.

I've lost my new nose stud. I was washing my face and kerplop, right down the drain it went, so it's back to the ring for now.

The Big Girl picked out a beautiful dress for prom!

The house is clean

As much as I might like them to, 36DD bras are just not going to fit. When is Target going to start carrying 34F/34G bras?

I found the most awesome shoes for $18!!!!! No photo yet but trust me they are awesome and comfy.

I spilled tea down my shirt right between my boobs. So embarrassing as I dribbled shortly before I had to ask for a boost.

I, for the very first time ever last week, burned my hair and boar bristle brush with the blow dryer. I still have no idea how that happened.

There's plenty more random where this is coming from but my time is up so I'm outta here.

Oh wait, yesterday I heard an ad on the radio for electric cigarettes and was immediately stricken with the very strong desire to be holding one, or a real cigarette for that matter, in my hand. It was a minute or two before I could think of anything else. That urge just never really goes away does it?

Thought about it again today when popping a piece of gum into my mouth before I turned the key in the ignition(after the jump) and watching the lady in the car beside mine light up before turning the key in her ignition. Rituals are more than habits.

No deep insights today...

I was looking out at the sunshine enjoying the contrast from last week. It's been such a nice change from the snow and freezing temperatures that we've all been enjoying the great outdoors-well just the backyard but that's good enough for me.

Then I look a little closer and realize...

I'm not the only one enjoying the weather.

It was enough to curl my hair.

A message from my aunt...

Women are Angels,
And when someone breaks our wings,
we simply continue to fly.........

On a broomstick...

We're flexible

Some of my favorites

My very own "Flaming June"

See?

Pinky Dinky Do, the shortest lived kitchen fish ever. He committed fishy suicide less than a week after I got him by leaping out of his bowl. It was tragic, especially when The Big Girl picked up his dessicated body and chased me with him.

Chickens in the dining room. What? They had a barn...

Only at Tractor Supply Company would a chainsaw be considered a snack-and so cheap!

Some days this is exactly how I feel.

Red, another kitchen fish, carefully buckled up for a car ride. Yes, I take my pets everywhere with me, don't you?

The Kid demanded to have this picture taken-she loves those mannequins(or should I call them kiddequins?)

This box cracked me up in Florida last summer. Every one needs absorbent balls don't you think? Especially ones that won't get you pregnant.

I love cardinals and he is beautiful even in death, though finding him made me pretty fucking sad.

Happy Fucking Friday Ya'll!