Monday, December 29, 2008

Still Waters

"Loving life is easy when you are abroad. Where no one knows you and you hold your life in your hands all alone, you are more master of yourself than at any other time." Hannah Arendt

I came across this quote a few days ago and found it quite thought provoking.

Moving constantly as a child and young adult taught me to expect new people and places, new sights and sounds and of course the challenge of figuring out my new environment.
I do not have any lifelong friends, you know- that best friend from gradeschool or whenever that happens. I am not even that close to most of my siblings to be honest, though I do count my husband ,mother and a sister as my best friends.

I have learned to be funny and charming, instantly likeable to most of the world and at the same time to not invest too much in that world because I know that anything can and does happen.

I realized several years ago that this place was getting too familiar to me. The people I see out and about have become familiar faces and I'm not always sure if I like that. I think about what people will think if I laugh too loud or cuss too hard. I have learned that it is hard work to be a true friend and and because of that I need to be careful who I charm. I have lost the mastery of my self through this familiarity and have come to the conclusion that

Living deeply is hard.
I don't always like these still waters.
Somedays I wish I still wore my traveling shoes,
and could wade in the shallows
of this stream.

4 comments:

Huff Daddy said...

I didn't move that often but often enough. On average every four years. I DO get a four year itch. Seven years in Michigan was the longest I was ever in one place. Once I made it to six years there, then the itch left. Roots are a good thing, but it has to be the right place.

I still only have two friends. One from eighth grade that moved to Vermont in tenth grade and has been there ever since. The other I became friends with late in high school and she's been in Texas longer than I can remember. There have been other close friends, usually female, but I move or life changes and they don't last. Everyone else is not that close. I wish I had more friends but they are hard to meet and maybe you are like me, I'm too guarded for too long.

Point is you're not alone in how you are, for whatever that's worth.

Brook said...

It's funny to me how I have a hard time wanting to be friends with some people. It is really hard work. As much or more of a commitment than marraige in some ways(I mean Big Daddy D is here, I don't need to plan get togethers or, well, you know). And why do some people think that if you say hi, or talk about the weather or your dogs or a great idea or something that they are your best friend? I want to be able to converse about things that matter to me(with like minded people of course) without having to mess with the stuff that doesn't. I find I like blogging because it lets me be more open than I have learned to be in person and I truly enjoy the dialogue, crave it sometimes even and more than likely I won't get bogged down in the number of poops the baby has or whether someone puts dirty clothes in the hamper...That makes sense in my head, but not so much when I read it. Hopefully you get it. Anyway, I like you too, and it's good to know there is someone out there kinda like me. Thanks for the feedback!

Huff Daddy said...

Ditto

Anonymous said...

Funny I have that same issue. I moved a lot as a child too. My husband and his sister facebook with people they knew in the 1st grade.

I did some of my younger years in Philadelphia. Those are some tough people. I learned they just say how are you as small talk. They don't want a life story.
As an adult I feel the same. Can I just say Hi without being your new family member.

Sorry got into a ramble.

Bottom line: it is fine to be a loner.