Monday, March 30, 2009

Where did last week go?

I have spent nearly the entire past week in some kind of fog.
I honestly have very little recollection of any of it.
And the snippets of memory I have are unpleasant, at least to me.

The drugs have helped the pain.
I am glad of that.
They have clouded my vision and affected my reason.
I am not glad of that.

I drove one day.
I drove with the Kid in the car with me.
I barely remember that.
So not good.

I know one evening I mixed drugs and alcohol.
I really don't remember much of that either.
Thank god I am not a mean drunk.
(You guys know that Superman joke right?)

I am however raunchy, raucous, and foul mouthed when under the influence.
I am that anyway I know but usually do better keeping it reined in.
I have been under the influence too long.

I am still in pain.
My mind is nearly clear.

I would rather my body hurt than my spirit.

And it's a close thing.

I'm cringing more than a little as I try to remember.
No more drugs.


Amy said...

At least take a couple of Tylenol or Motrin. You are going to get better. Hang in there mu friend.
I just sent a smartass email to my mother who has cancer. She has been so self-absorbed. However,that has been the past 6-7 years-so whatever. I do love her, but she makes it hard to like her. waa-waa

Brook said...

Amy-Tylenol, will do! Smart ass emails are the best-did I send you the butt exercise one? That one is hilarious. And I get you with the love and like thing. Two words-my dad. I am ready to move forward and as soon as this fog lifts I am outta here(this funky self absorbed state I mean).
Waa-Waa right back atcha babe!

Dark Cloud Nine said...

No matter what the drugs it seems, if they affect brain function, at some point we come to the same conclusion, this is not living... isn't it scary? (ok fine, it scares me, maybe because it fascinates me at the same time... you know like people who are afraid of heights, because they are somehow, afraid they would want to jump).

I hope pain will subside soon now... hugs and hugs! (and thank you note on my blog of course)

The CEO said...

You couldn't gross me out, bitch me out, or hurt my feelings while you're drugged up if you tried really, really hard. I have a pro right here who hates drugs and has been on them since December who can rival you. I'd be a poor friend if I didn't understand. Now, if you start biting like Jake...

Brook said...

LOE-Whew, I am glad to know that this experience falls within the realm of normal. And I am terrified of heights. Terrified. Either the pain is less or I am used to it. Now to get the dregs of the drugs out of my system and lose this shaky wobbly sense of reality.
CEO-If I bit you, you'd like it! ;} Glad to know I didn't send you running. You are indeed a good friend.

PorkStar said...

I've been on the same roller coaster for the past two months, although my pain is more emotional than anything else... I've mixed meds with alcohol and tonight will be one of them too. Lots of things going on around my head and too little time to dwell on all of that.
I barely remember anything from last week. Kinda sucks.

Brook said...

Porkstar-getting stuck in the big swirly of life is awful. I don't think my body can handle anymore of this craziness. My mind has been grateful for the reprieve but I am ready to re-engage I think. I may change my mind about that tomorrow but the vertigo is getting to me today. Not having clear recall is the worst. Buck up and think about that lady chasing you around the fountain-giggle!

Spellbound said...

I love you being raunchy, raucous and foul mouthed. Funniest comments ever. I was and am still concerned about the pain at this point. I seem to be having an unusually good week, but I do want you to know I feel guilty about it and I'm not near as funny when I'm happy.

Brook said...

Spellbound-I keep hoping that I will wake up and the pain will be gone-no such luck yet. Dr tomorrow though and I am actually excited about going! Will ask about the lingering vertigo as well. Never feel bad about feeling good! Never! I am feeling good about almost feeling good, and laughing at that convoluted remark. I'll stay raucous raunchy and foul mouthed-there is no escape-on the other hand I would prefer to remember what was going on the next day.