I've been busy...

Chasing spiders with a ginornous red truck...

Taking kids to Oreo stacking contests at tiny grocery stores...

Stacking 17 Oreos, the Kid won!

Finding just exactly the Crepe Myrtles covered with Spanish Moss that you might imagine...
When Moms stay up til all hours of the "ahem" morning drinking Lemon Drops the kids will put themselves to bed...

In the recliner...
In the rocker...

And of course the couch...

Some mornings even Opal doesn't want to get out of bed...

Adventuring here...

Looking at Mother Nature's porn...

Aaahing at Mother Nature's cathedral...

Posing for terrible photos...

Taking good photos...

Taking bad photos of waterfalls...

Going down 232 stairs-and then back up...

Observing strange fungi...

Applying "permanent" purple make-up...

Posing for a gratuitous bikini photo...

Saving a snake the size of a linguine noodle from a spider web...

Running from the PoPo cause we were having too much fun...

Laughing with my sister about our horrible dining experience...

Enjoying a small park in a tiny town...

Admiring my artist in residence at work...

Proving that my eyes are blue...

Pondering the whys of crooked trees covered with fur...

Ooooohing over boat shaped houses...

Aaaaaaahing over lighthouse shaped houses...

Checking my bank account to see if I could buy this $1.5 million house made out of grain silos...

Excavating fishy remains...

Observing cousinly love...

And cousinly annoyance...

Enjoying time with my sister at sunset... Being grateful for that one last great day with Loved ones...

I have indeed been wonderfully busy.

It's F*@#%ing Friday!

Minion #1, in an effort to lesson her debt, sold her hair so to speak. Her friends bet her $50 that she would not bleach her hair blonde. I told her I would do it when she had the cash in hand.

Last night we learned a few things:

A strand test is a good idea but even they lie.

Do not wait til 9 to start the strand test-especially when it turns out you will indeed have to process her hair for the full 90 minutes.

There are reasons people go to beauty school(bleaching out someones hair is hard work!)

Going from black to blonde in one easy step is the biggest lie ever printed on a package.

When it comes down to it the Minion and I can have a good time together.

Raucus laughter from the bathroom is sure to wake up a mildly disgruntled Big Daddy D("It's after midnight! What are you guys doing?!?!")

So here's the new do. She liked it last night.

If she doesn't like it this afternoon-or more likely hates me by this afternoon-I will be moving to Oregon. It's a lovely state.

Wednesday

Nej had a post a couple of days ago that I replied the following to and then I decided to indulge my inner smartass and cut the main part of my response and post it here.

Oh yeah, I am an evil smartass! ; )



(follow the link to find out Nej's side of the story)



1)I love banana bread(nuts or no)and have NEVER thought to put peanut butter on it. Soonest.

2) After years of aggravation I just put it on the damn holder-though as a former industry insider, over if you do the 'V' fold, under otherwise.

3)I hate lobster. Gag.

4)Low key, no speed, no hills, tooling around on a bike is I think the only way to go.

5)All doors open-always. Except bathroom and closet at night-then I can't sleep.

6)Never kayaked though I do have funny story(go figure) and never experienced really deep water-but I am not going to think too hard about it right now.

7)PB&J with potato chips-is there any other way?

8)Crunchy soft foods. Hmmm. I love pears(one of the few) and fruit in general. Though these fucking braces make it impossible to actually bite into fruit and enjoy it.

9)I too am a right side walker, though I am currently on left side of Kid due to shoulder(she pulls like a frickin fiend)

10)No where close. No keys worn off-I have a glimmer of something but wait...no, it's gone.(I remembered-the 5 yr old remote-not even close to a keyboard)

11)Numbers, OCD tendencies, ummm. Enough said.

12)Mowing lawn in decreasing squares, I thought that was how it's done? But now I have minions.



Nej you are wonderful and I can't wait to meet you IRL-you guys still heading East Coastish or did San Fransisco and Napa Valley take care of vacations for the year?

TMI Thursday #3

Here we go again...
So if I were to be any other animal it would have to be a cat. I absolutely hate the water. I don't like swimming pools, I don't really like baths, and the first solar shower that comes out is mine. Don't get the wrong idea here , every day I do indeed get as mad as a wet cat. I put off the inevitable for as long as possible, but just like a cat I can't stand to be dirty and don't like to sweat either for that matter, but until I can't stand it anymore, I can find many many things to do besides take a shower.
This hasn't changed since back when I was single and dating(and a mom too).
I was dating this one guy, I'll call him Clint cause that was his name, and we had a hot date planned later, when he got off work(he managed a local video store so I didn't expect him til after 9). After I got B to bed I decided that I should shower-for the second time that day-because it had been at least 12 hours since the last one and well you know how that goes. But taking into consideration my dislike for water and the sense that I had plenty of time I started straightening the house. And preparing for my shower.

This entailed a similar mental process to the whole fight or flight thing with me taking off more and more clothes and still cleaning up.
Over the course of an hour or so I ended up naked with no idea what time it was, still not showered, vacuuming the living room rug.

I had been dating Clint for quite awhile and would leave the door unlocked for him.
He still knocked of course but would just walk on in.
With the vacuum going I couldn't hear anything.

Imagine my complete and utter shock and embarrassment when he opened the door and there I was in all my glory, vacuum in hand.

I dropped to the floor like I had been shot, completely mortified.

He, however, thought it was the most awesome thing he had ever seen and assured me I was the fulfilment of every pizza delivery boys dream "and look, I even have a pizza!" he says.

Beauty tip # 5,071

If you are such a one as would pluck one's eyebrows to transform them from woolly caterpillars stuck on ones forehead to lovely arches that accentuate one's lovely mien, then I must share the ideal location for your next beauty endeavor.

The driver's seat of your vehicle is perfectly situated for use during this activity. The driver's seat is the most well designed, comfortable seat- as well as being highly adjustable- and the use of the lighted mirror so wonderfully provided by your vehicle manufacturer is eminently convenient as it flips down into close proximity to one's desired area of beauty modification.

Additionally one should do this during daylight hours as of course that is when the best light is available.

Gone now the days of leaning over counters or imitating a contortionist perched in your bathroom sink, oh beauty mavens!

One caveat, my dears, before you embark on your next beauty endeavor!

The parking lot at Target might not be the best place to try out your new found beauty station.

In which butter is a mystery

I am sooo bummed.

My team lost.

Dammit.

The game was so exciting, there was yelling, dancing, and -up til the last oh, 50 seconds- big shit eating grins.

Ok, just one of those.

Mine.

Then disbelief.

Abject despair.

Queasy stomach from the adrenaline crash.

Baby learned some new curse words.

* Note to self-there is now a rather large girl shaped parrot in the house-tone down the cussing!*

I discovered this morning that I had shouted my throat raw.

I sound like I swallowed a bucket of gravel.

This morning Baby decided to make toast.

Here is her idea of toast:

Notice that the butter is in chunk format and not spread on the bread.

Just 2 tablespoons, maybe 3 of butter plopped on her "toast".

Which is not toasted.

She does not like her bread burned after all.

She made herself a couple of pieces of butter toast last night too.

Exactly like this one.

And now this is what my kitchen looks like:

Yep, you are looking at 4 sticks of butter.

Each one shy 2-3 tablespoons of being a full stick.

Hmm.

Why did she get a fresh stick of butter each time?

And what am I going to do with all that softened butter?

Oh well.

At least I have something else to think about.

I believe I shall have a nice cup of tea and ponder.

And maybe some toast.

Only mine will be burned.