Just a quick "Hello!"

(The light at the end of the tunnel)

HI!

How did a week pass without me noticing?

Things are better here. The pain is mostly gone, though the numbness, weakness and a strange feeling like my leg wants to throw up still plague me.

I am on my way to the kitchen to prepare supper.

Just simple spaghetti and meatballs tonight.

Confession: The meatballs are from the freezer section of my grocery store.

Sometimes you just gotta accept a little help-and it's a step up from Big Daddy D's idea of cooking supper...10 burgers from the dollar menu at Sonic!

The sauce is from scratch at least.

Catch ya later taters!

OOOOH OOOOH OOOOH!!!!!! I almost forgot!

I sold a pair of handwarmers!

I didn't ask for enough moolah but heck-I haven't sold anything in months so I'll take it. And then spend it all on the best bowl of udon and tempura I've had to date-which I did!

Okay, now I'm outta here. I can hear tummies rumbling from here.

Manifestation of Desire

I found my necklace!

I have been quietly despairing for weeks now, devastated by its loss.

The necklace I got in Shanghai.

It was in my chair.

What makes it very strange is that I got the chair after the pig disappeared.

So bizarre.

And why this morning was I compelled to lift the cushion and plunge my hand into the depths of this used barcalounger?

The shock and the joy I felt, still feel, upon pulling this necklace from that dark recess is better than any Christmas in recent memory.

My jade pig is once again where it should be!

I wear it to remember some of the happiest, carefree days of my life,

In the hope of having similar experiences in the future.

Wanting to have those feelings now, as I go about my everyday life,

Sometimes succeeding.

One strange week

I go to bed.
I can't unwind.
Can't fall asleep.
Listening to the light snores beside me-violence brews.
I get up instead.
The house gets one last straightening, the kitchen another wipe down.
It's midnight or later and sleep just will not come.
I flip channels.
I read.
I surf the web.
I go back to bed.
Lay for what seems like hours yet is probably only minutes.
Finally drift off.
A strange dream, and slowly waking to strange thoughts.
It's still dark.
I look at the clock.
4:37
Fuck
No.
I just want to sleep.
I lay there.
Too early to get up.
Too late to fall asleep again.
Finally drowse.
Drifting in that no mans land where monsters and angels dwell.
Light begins to sift through curtains.
Chasing away half dreamt lands.
6:42
I am up.
Stumbling through.
Bleary eyed good morning.
Coffee?
Must wait for it.
B out the door.
Coffee cradled in my hands.
Hot and black.
I sit.
I sip.
I wake.

The rest of the house sleeps on.

Stillness.
Quiet.
I savor it, this time of peace.
Is that the answer?
Do I need to experience the stillness?
And so wake while others dream?

I would like to report that due to 2 glasses of wine, a sufficient amount of reading, and some time alone(I locked myself in the bedroom-don't worry the big girl was on duty) I actually did manage to get relaxed enough to fall asleep and most importantly stay that way for 7 hours. That means I am currently behind on only about 12 hrs from the strange and sleepless week I have left behind.

I will work on cultivating moments of stillness throughout my day, find the quiet in myself.

And sleep, I hope.

Waking Dreams

I am tired and I am bored and perhaps a bit blah. I read somewhere that being bored was something lazy people say. That there are things to do and boredom is the excuse to not do the things that must be done.
Whatever.
If I was folding the laundry right now I would still be bored. I know this because I have done it ad nauseum. Being busy does not equate to being engaged. Being completely in the moment is wonderful and I have been there, even in the laundry process.
Not today though.
Today I want calgon to whisk me away for an afternoon horse ride, a hike in the mountains, or a walk in the woods. I want to think about what I have read today and wonder about what I haven't.
I don't want to wonder if Baby has once again put a whole roll of toilet paper in the toilet thereby clogging it yet again. I don't want to think about how quiet it's gotten and if I am going to have to rescue some pet or other from Baby's house of beauty. I don't want to be thinking about what new and delightful food to prepare for supper or even pondering the possibility of busting out a tried and true family favorite.

I am tired.

Maybe I should sleep.
Dreams, take me where I want to be.
Or should I wake?
To live where my dreams are.